


To Die or Not To Die?

by Wufflepuffle



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, Depression, F/M, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, I can't make Neeks suffer that much, I should be doing homework, I wrote this instead of doing my homework, I'm not even kidding, M/M, Nico quite literally re evaluates all of his life decisions, Nico suffers, One sided Percico or Nercy, Or can I???, Sadness, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, There are so many wierd tags, This wasn't meant to be like this, Trigger Warning about Trigger Warning, Yeah it's ok., dammit, i can't tag, solangelo, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 20:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12660492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wufflepuffle/pseuds/Wufflepuffle
Summary: Cold metal meets warm flesh.Red rain falls to the ground.Warm blood stains the knife.Tears flow into a beautiful river."Yo."Nico jumps, he looks around wildly, hiding his bloody arm behind."Don'tcha worry, I can't do anythin', 'don't exist."Sitting on the edge of his bed a blurry figure swings their legs."Who the hell are you?""I dunno. I like to think 'm the Angel o' near-death but that really ain't the case."Aka the one where Neeks is suffering and in his final moments he re-evaluates his life, makes big decisions and an unexpected guest gives him a budge in the right direction.





	To Die or Not To Die?

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry.
> 
> I just had this idea and I was all, I have to get this done now or now.
> 
> I might turn this into a series... Who knows... I just wanted to write some angst.
> 
> Well enjoy...
> 
> Love,
> 
> Wufflepuffle.

 

 

 

_Bianca died._

Cold metal meets warm flesh.

  _You’re ugly._

Red rain falls to the ground.

_Annabel loves Percy._

Warm blood stains the knife.

_Percy loves Annabeth._

Tears flow into a beautiful river.

_You’re gay._

 Black clothes flower red.

  _You’re wrong._

Pale skin turneda beautiful crimson.

_Bianca was better, why are you the one still around?_

A faint black veil is placed over his eyes.

“Yo." 

Nico jumps, he looks around wildly, hiding his bloody arm behind.

"Dontcha worry, I can't do much, don’t really exist after'all."

Sitting on the edge of his bed a blurry figure swings their legs.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I dunno. I like to think I'm the angel o’ near-death if anythin’ but that ain't the case.”

“Angel of near-death?”

The blurry figure hopped off his bed and walked over, plopping themselves on the black couch inside the Hades cabin.

“I’m ain't really dead but I ain’t alive neither. I sorta just appear to those who are gettin’ close to death. The living don't see me and neither can the gods cause Hades would be having a field day if 'e saw me hangin' round 'ere." He gives a soft chuckle.

"I must be blurry to ya. Clearer I get, the closer you’re to the fields o’ asphodel. Or Elysium. Or Tatarus if yer a bad un.”

Nico took a deep breath, the refused to believe this could be real.

 “You’re not real are you?” Itsounded more like a statement that a question. 

“If that rocks yer boat you can think anythin’. Nona my business, if you want me to be parta yer mind then I’m part yer mind.”

 The silhouette gave a shrug.

Nico shook a little.

He almost laughed, wasn't he strange hallucinating after a few measly cuts, what a weakling.

He cut a satisfactory line down his arm, wincing at the pain  

Nico felt sick at the sight of his arm, it was littered with old and new scars. The new ones looked deeper than he had encountered before.

“Tis a miracle you win ’t already seen me. Truly. Honest, I dunno how many times I’ve thought to myself, he’s done it now. But nah, the universe just messes with me.”

The cut on his arm leaked blood at an alarming way and deep down inside he felt a twinge of fear he'd finally accomplished his wish  

He collapsed onto the couch, he looked to his side to see a boy dressed in worn out CHB uniform. He had jet black hair pulled into a short ponytail. Clear blue eyes shone from behind messy bags, he wore nothing on his feet which were dirty and had more than a few scratches and bruises.

The boy smiled and stated in an unsettling nonchalant voice, “Nice to meetcha, name's Null.”

“Null?” His voice came out in a shaky whisper.

“Yeah it’s real, real clever. See, I don’t have no name so I call myself Null. Cause I think it means nothing. I think.” The boy smiled proudly like he had solved the world’s problems.

 “Are you here to watch me die?” His eyes stung from the tears, like someone poured burning soap into his eyes. 

He traced fingers down the long cut down his arm, pain filled him. It drowned out the internal ache with nothingness. He couldn’t feel anything other than twisted sadness at the swirling blood on the floor. 

Why?

Why couldn’t he feel anything.

 He couldn’t understand, was that such of a freak that he couldn’t feel pain?

 He looked hazily at the knife then plunged it into his wrist.

Splurt of blood.

Again.

_You’re a freak._

Again.

_You like boys._

 Again.

_You let your own flesh and blood die._

Again.

“K! Nope, time out Mister! Are sure ya wanna to do that?”

He looked at the boy, he was clearer.

 The whole world was a hazy, flurry mess of hues but this damn boy was getting clearer by the second.

“Shut up.”

“Tis only a permanent solution for a temp’ry thing, ya know.”

It’s not temporary.

“It ain’t the end of the world, whole future out there.”

It was for him.  

“There are people who care for ya, ya know.”

No there aren’t.

 “Yer a beautiful human maybe you don't see it but everyone's real beautiful in their own righ'.”

No! He was just an ugly mess.

 “Ya migh’ regret this, there's somethin' out there for ya.”

No, he wasn’t losing anything. 

“Ya could be missin’ out on a beautiful future.”

He didn’t deserve a future.

“Ok, ok. This ain’t the best of ideas period. You deserve to live Mister, k?”

 

“Shut up.” Ot was barely a whisper.

 

“Nah, I won’t.”

 

“Shut up you’re not even real.”

 

“Ya but I kinda am.”

 

“Shut up.” It was louder this time. He dragged himself of the couch and slumped in front of the almost tangible boy  

“Shut up!”

He threw a book at him. It passed through.

“Shut up!” He threw something else, red painted the floor.

“Shut up!” Somethings heavy landed on the couch. 

“Shut up!” His arm was beginning to hurt him. Why?

“Shut up!” Blood drippedeverywhere, when did that happen?

 “Shut up!” He used his other arm.

“Shut up!” The not-dead-not-alive boy wasn’t fazed.

“Shut up!” Nico could see Null with such clarity he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t being hit.

Then the boy stood up and just before Nico threw the bloodied knife at him he did something unexpected. He didn’t beat him, hit him, yell at him instead Null opened his arms and-

 -pulled him into a hug.

 His vision swirled then he found himself standing in an unfamiliar place.

Percy and Annabeth swirled before his eyes.

He flinched at the sight, his eyes rested on the figure in the middle.

It was him.

He was laughing.

Before he could comprehend what the hell that was, the scenery changed.

A tall blonde boy with glasses and a beautiful girl with choppy brown hair were laughing with him.

Then as quick as it came it changed.

An asian boy was playing MythoMagic with him.

The world spun around again.

A dark, tanned dark haired boy was setting fire to something while he was watching with-

It changed again abruptly.

A dark skinned girl with curly black hair ran up to him yelling something with a fond look in her eyes.

Colours blurred together.

Then a beautiful blonde was towering over him as he yelled something about doctors orders.

Then the boy from the previous flash was holding his hand with a loving smile, he leaned in and-

 He fell back into the real world with a jolt.

He was back on the couch lying upwards with his shredded arm hanging of the already bloodied couch. It was dripping scarlet onto the floor, somewhere he wondered how he still had enough blood in him.

‘Who were they?’, he thought looking up at Null, silently hoping the boy would understand.  

“I dunno, s'up to you to find out I suppose.”

‘Were they from the future?’

“Who knows. Ya have only a few seconds before you get a free way ticket to the Underworld.”

‘Oh’, he thought.

“You can decide now. Die or live? That is the question."

Thoughts clouded his mind.

_Bianca died._

_You’re ugly._

  _Annabel loves Percy._

  _Percy loves Annabeth._

_You’re gay._

_You’re wrong._

_Bianca was better, why are you the one still around?_  

_You’re a freak._

_You let your own flesh and blood die._

_You’re disgusting._

_You shouldn’t have been born._

_What does it matter if you die here and now?_

_Those people aren’t real._

_You’re so pathetic making up imaginary friends._  

_Why would anyone want to be friends with someone as gloomy as you?_

_Why would anyone even want to go ear you?_

_No one loves you, your own father doesn’t want you._  

Then a small thought creeped in.

_But what if all that was real?_

He looked at Null, he was shining crystal clear.

He pushed down his insecurities, his fear, his terror.

He grasped desperately at that small and insignificant hope  

His eyes grew heavy and his vision blackened.

“I don't want to die.”

Darkness.

Darkness.

Darkness.

“-co!’

 “-Ico”

 “-ake up!”

"-begging you!"

Who was that?

“Wait, is he waking up?”

He heard a beeping noise.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

He opened his eyes tiredly.

There were people around his bed.

He looked at his arm, it's wrapped in a neat bandage.

“Nico!” Without any warning he was embraced by arms.

Then more and more people piled on him 

Tears fell from his eyes.

He knew there were tough times to come.

But he was willing to try, even if only a little bit.

He looked past the people around him,leaning against the wall was a black-haired boy wearing a worn CHB uniform, he was barefoot with crystal clear blue eyes.

Null gave him a thumbs up while laughing an inaudible laugh.

‘Thank you.’ He mouthed looking away awkwardly.

His eyes went back to Null, “No problemo! Maybe ya’ll see me again, pref without the blood an’ all.” No one else seemed to be able to hear the boy.

Nico nodded, ‘Hey, don’t you get lonely?’

“Yeah, I do but being alone and ignored is a little bit ok 'cause when I save a life, ’m happy.”

‘Thank you Null.’

“Y’already said so.” And with a final wave Null vanished.

As tears warms Nico’s cheeks he couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad for the self-proclaimed Angel of near-death.

* * *

 

It's a beautiful day.

Clear blue sky, a few fluffy white clouds drift across the sky, (he does admit that the good wether might have something to do with Jason, the calm sea DEFINITELY has something to do with Percy).

It's winter but it isn't that cold, they are near the seaside.

Nico is walking down an aisle.

Hades is in human form and has his arms around his son, proving that he isn't that bad of a father. After all, after Athena (a little miffed) walked Annabeth down the aisle at her and Percy's wedding, none of the other gods wanted to be out done.

Many demigods and deities were sitting in the audience, all of the seven had big smiles.

Hazel and her husband Frank were beaming at him, they sent him a thumbs up. Jason was muttering something OTPs and his wife Piper mouthed 'go get him'. Leo was waving his arms around and Calypso was halfheartedly trying to stop him while wearing her own smile. Annabeth gave him a big sister smile, Percy was crying about something to do with Nico's type, (he would never let Nico live that down). 

Hades gave his arm a squeeze and he faced his soon-to-be husband, Will Solace.

Will had a bright, loving smile and a beautiful twinkle in his eye, he was dressed smartly in his wedding attire and he looked gorgeous.

Then he saw him. 

Standing behind his husband was Null.

He looked the exact same, barefoot, worn out uniform, dark hair in a pony tail with crystal blue eyes, if a little younger  

Null gave him a surprised wave before pointing at a rose he had pinned to his uniform.

"See, I told ya dyin' wasn't a good idea." He heard his voice as if it was right next to his ear, Nico smiled.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."  He didn't know what to say but the look in the dead-alive boy's face let him know he understood.  

As he got to end of the aisle Null gave a final wave and said. "I'll be seeing you soon." He disappeared.

Nico looked at Will and nodded.

Maybe he would see Null later but now he would focus on the present.

The scars on his arms would never disappear but they were only physical, and as he said his vows and Will leaned in to kiss him he found that he couldn't care less. 

* * *

He was at the adoption centre with Will, after a long and exhausting conversation they both decided they wanted to adopt a child.

There was a centre for Demi-God children who no longer had parents for whatever reasons. The children were well looked after and learnt of their powers early on so it was a win-win situation  

He had been looking around for a while but then his eyes fell on an boy, he looked about eight but what struck him was his appearance.

He had an orange shirt that was worn out, you couldn't see what but there obviously had been something there, he was barefoot and had black hair in a short pony tail.

He looked up, crystal blue eyes meeting black.

"Hey! Can I help ya mister?"

"Hello. Could you please tell me your name?"

There's a twinkle in his crystal blue eyes.

The child stretched out his hand and with a triumphant smirk on his face he said, "Names Null, nice to meetcha."

**Author's Note:**

> Well. That's done.
> 
> Phew.
> 
> I hope you liked it and I would cry rainbows if you were to click that Kudos button!!
> 
> I hope I stirred just a little bit of feels.:)


End file.
